it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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