Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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