She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Randomize
