we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
My vagina just recognized that song.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
