I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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