are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
