I feel great
I just peed on a car
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
