i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
