i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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