maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Randomize
