he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
