i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
whose parrot is this?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Randomize
