There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
