also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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