I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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