One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
