Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
