he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
