You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
