never play flip cup with pint glasses
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
