I have demons in me.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
