no, he came in my armpit
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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