So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
