Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
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