White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
