I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
