I wanna bring you to show and tell
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
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I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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