Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
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