We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
