I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
