Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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