I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
