my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Randomize
