she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
