For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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