bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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