TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
