ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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