either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
