I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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