Say something about gay babies.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
