I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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