i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
At least life still wants to fuck me.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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