I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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