I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
My ATM looks so different sober.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
