I molested 6 butterflies tonight
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
