Don't make out with my wife yet
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
