Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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