Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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