It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
