I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize