I'm so fucking centered right now
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
