Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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