The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
