Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
