She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
