I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Randomize
