i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
