dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
