OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
