That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
