Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
pray to the hookup gods
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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