I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Everclear isn't food dammit
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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