Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
